I am

I am a tiny ball of seething hatred yelling into the void searching desperately for my kindred. It should not surprise me when I find them there.

I am a tangled mess of flesh and nerves reacting to its environment with fear and instinct. To fear is to survive. My instinct is violence.

I am no wounded animal. I am no apex predator. I am no great conqueror. I am small and afraid.

I am a fighter, but I have no enemies. I create enemies out of my shadow. I will fight until it is destroyed.

My skin is boiling. My brain crawls like a child in the dark. My chest caves with the weight of breath. My stomach knots with vertigo. I am falling.

I am alone. I am alone. I am alone.

I am eternally falling. My feet do not know down. My head does not know up. I fall. Forward. Always forward. Whizzing past buildings and people and the memories that contain them. I see them approach at blinding speeds. But I am falling past them.

I am eternally floating. A sea of blue suspends me. I am weightless. Directionless. There is no surface. There is no deep. All around me are people floating by. Directionless. I study them. Some swim frantically, looking for the surface or something to cling to. I wish them luck. But I continue to float.

I am an empty home. Something should live here. Homes need to be lived in. Nobody wants to live in a home where the previous owner died.

When I am awake, I feel like I am dreaming. When I dream, I feel alive.

I am a wish made in a dream in the mind of a being with no imagination.

I am the prophecy proclaimed by the heretic. I am the divine truth of the false prophet. I am a faithless martyr. I am the living flesh of dead Gods.

I am the void. When you scream, I respond. When I respond, you cower in fear.

I am the all consuming darkness. When nothing is left, I will destroy myself. It is my nature.

I am soft and vulnerable. My skin is sensitive. My eyes burn with tears. My insides squirm. I flinch away from the sharp barbs of the world lest I become wounded and invite infection.

I am sad. I am not pathetic or weak. I am just sad.

My emotional health is compromised. My immune system is overreacting. Everything is a threat. I am being destroyed from the inside by a disease. I need help. I need effective treatment. I am dying.

I am slowly dying. A disease is ravaging my body and I am helpless to stop it. My body is no longer under my control. My body has been made limp and atrophies more with every passing day. They tell me my mind is healthy and I should be grateful. My mind is strong, so I am strong. And yet I am dying. My body will give in one day, and when it does, my mind will go with it. My mind is healthy and my body is dying. I am dying.